Ann Miller

We go to this doctor and then that doctor and this specialist, and then we try these herbs and then we try this chiropractor and this chasing inflames us further and ignites our cycle of pain or  and fear even more. that is exactly what we do not want. stop the chasing. stick with one program that suits you. stick to it!

She lived 3 decades with chronich pain, back pain and fibromyalgia and exhausted every natural modality be it naturapths, accupuncture, supplements and diet changes. only in 2018 she realized that the intensity of the pains increased in each July, Since sad events in her past happened in July she made the conection between sadness and pains. This was the start of her healing Journey. Ann Miller who used to have so many pains is symptom free now and she can crawl and paly on the floor with her grand children. how did she do it?

It all started at : 

in my twenties. i had back pain, lower back pain, foot apins and fibromyalgia. if people are suffering from fibromyalgia,  that's a pain that's hard  to explain. It's not really in your bones. It's not really in your joints and it's not really in your muscles. it's somewhere in between the two and it's this deep ache. It just aches. And of course pain is tiring. So when you are in that kind of whole body ache, you also have fatigue. you can have brain fog because you're not thinking about anything except the pain and surviving the next minute

I tried these modalities but they did not cure me: 

I went on multiple different types of diet, gluten free, anti-inflammatory vegan.  I was sure that it was something systemic. I had my water tested. I had my air tested in my house a couple of different times. I tried many modalities. Nothing helped.

Dark night of the soul: 

there were days when i couldn't let my husband hug me. my bucket was completely full. I could not handle one more drop of anything. I could not carry one more person's energy. I was just barely carrying my own energy.  it wasn't so much that the,that a hug hurt cuz he could hug gently. It's just the energy from the other person. I could not absorb it cuz I was too much in my own pain, in my own suffering too.

Change in the plot: 

July of 2017 I Googled back pain and sadness and up came all this information that  there is a connection between pain and our emotions.  I started to read Dr. John Sarno and Steve  Osanich  books on mind about  chronic pain. And I started to see myself in every page that I read. And one of the main ways I saw myself besides the pain pattern: I wanna be good. I wanna do good things. I wanna do good for others. I see injustice in the world. I'm overly responsible. I'm self critical. I mean, just go down the list of the personality traits and it was just like check, check, check, check, check. I do have this personality that develops chronic pain to distract me of emotions. I was really trying to get to repressed emotions  and acknowledge: feel all the emotions. I feel anger. I feel sadness. I feel grief. layers and layers and layers of emotions.

it took several months of journaling for me to get out of the weeds. I knew it was working though because  The pain started to move around. Several months into this work and my pain was gone,

My relationship to pain: 

Regarding pain,  the inner self talk back then was fear or frustration: "Oh, no. How long is this gonna last? I got to run to some specialist somewhere. I gotta run to a pill bottle somewhere. see a new chiropractor or PT"  a lot of self pity  poor me"  That was my self-talk. my self-talk now is  " what are my emotions? What was I thinking about right before this?"  it could be just  right before this pain, but it could be over the last 24 hours. 

nobody likes pain, me neither!

I ask myself what are my emotions around that? What could be some layers of emotions under there? So maybe I'm resentful on something. Well, what's under resentment? Well, under resentment is anger and under that is envy and under that is anger at yourself that you're angry or envious etc.  you see? so you're going for those layers and layers and layers. And that's my relationship with pain now

I have learned so much about myself through my pains

Be sure I still get frustrated. nobody likes pain, pain is painful always but today I do look upon it as a messenger and am  grateful for it in the end. I'm not grateful for it when I'm in it but  I have learned so much about myself or my, or my relationships with others or how I need to show up better for myself via these pains so  I'm always grateful for it in the long run. i see the pain as an opportunity to get curious about the hidden more repressed emotions!

How to cultivate a sense of safety?: 

 I believe that a sense of safety is the floor  really the base of where we have to get. So it's a really, it's a really important question., and it's hard to feel safe when you feel like your body is failing you. Right?  I did feel like my body was failing me. It's hard to feel safe when your body is, is telling you that you're not. And I will tell you that it was a slow unwinding, First realizing that safety in your neighbourhood  and  safety in your body or  relationships that you have with other people are different.  

I had an alcoholic father. As a child It was not safe to even exist sometimes. So,  try to go back there and unravelwhere this sense of unsafe happened and how it now manifests now.

Feeling safe is to feel that it's all right, to feel the emotions  that reside inside in  me. Remember? I'm the goodist, right? So I wanna see myself as good and doing good and being good and being a good girl was highly priced. So this wouldn't surprise you that If I feel jealous  or any other shadow emotion I don’t feel safe. But until you realize in your heart, that it is okay to feel these emotions and they do not define you, that everybody does feel petty jealousy or envy or sometimes and it doesn't mean you're a vengeful person and it doesn't mean you're a jealous person. That's just energy coming through you past you and then washing through. It's just like a wave, you've got to experience it. You've got to sit in your own jealousy or sit in your own bench and tell yourself it's okay. A lot of self-compassion work is needed here too. And I'm not saying I understand all my emotions, I'm I I'm sure there are emotions. I still repress, but I was able to uncover enough of them and, and sit with them and, and them, and self compassion myself for having them that I was giving myself enough safety that I didn't have to have symptoms anymore. 

My best advice to fellow sufferers of chronic conditions: 

 find a program that works for you and stick with it. research the different programs that are out there and find the one that really seems to fit your personality and commit  to it and work it. People with pain  have tried a lot of different programs, but they'll only have tried it for like a month or so. if it doesn't work for them they jump  and go to another program. they end up chasing like they chase physical modalities to healwe're used to that. We go to this doctor and then that doctor and this specialist, and then we try these herbs and then we try this chiropractor and this chasing inflames us further and ignites our cycle of pain or  and fear even more. that is exactly what we do not want. This chasing is a distraction from your threats and fears or your emotions  sogo ahead and, and analyze the different programs and then pick one that seems like it would be well suited for your personality. but then stick with it. It may take several months till your symptoms will vanish

We go to this doctor and then that doctor and this specialist, and then we try these herbs and then we try this chiropractor and this chasing inflames us further and ignites our cycle of pain or  and fear even more. that is exactly what we do not want. stop the chasing. stick with one program that suits you. stick to it!

recommended book: 

At Last a Life by Paul David. It's a simple, easy to read book about one man's recovery from anxiety and panic attacks. It works hand in hand with mind/body healing and addresses the very real symptom of anxiety that causes suffering for so many. All chronic pain causes some level of anxiety, sometimes severe, so getting to the root of our anxious thoughts and sitting with them without causing yet more anxiety is paramount.

Healing Methods that worked in this case

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  • Healed with Dr sarno's method

    Dr. John E. Sarno's work in treating body pains: pain is felt in the body but its origin is in the brain So much of the TMS or the mind body world is focused upon repressed emotions. That was Dr. Sarno's original theory. He believed that the brain was creating the pain to protect or distract us from overwhelming, scary and even perceived as dangerous repressed emotions. As a result, we've got decades worth of professionals, therapists, doctors saying you have to go find those... read more here